What does life look and feel like after experiencing sexual trauma?
In this blog post, Stacie shares what inspired her to write a book about healing after sexual trauma and why it was important to write a practical book about the healing journey.
The book is due to be published early autumn this year.
*trigger warning* - take care of yourself and what you most need today.
My name is Stacie, I am 35 and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have been on a healing ‘journey’ since 2011 (10 years wow!) and I set up a Facebook blog page (www.facebook.com/CSAblog/) up in 2017 when I realised that so many of us are suffering in silence – the stigma of sexual abuse is a burden that should not be carried by survivors. When I started my healing journey a decade ago, there weren’t any books that described life after sexual abuse and what could help in the mammoth task to feel ‘normal’ again. I have come to realise that these past 10 years have been the start of the journey to call back the pieces of myself; I am not broken and I am worthy of a wholesome and fulfilling life. So are you.
Recent worldwide statistics from The World Health Organisation (WHO, 2021) showed that one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner or sexual violence by a non-partner. The majority of these was abuse from an intimate partner, and therefore the perpetrators were not strangers. Internationally, about 20% of women report being victims of sexual violence as children. This figure is predicted to be much higher, considering that many survivors do not go on to disclose their trauma to anyone. This is especially true for male survivors. Shame and guilt keep people trapped into secrecy and is one reason for my drive to write openly about it, for those who are suffering in silence.
This is what inspired me to write a book about the healing journey after sexual trauma. There is life after - you can take back control of how you want to feel and to live a life you deserve. When I got the opportunity to write and publish a book, it was important that it was a practical and useful tool for other survivors to feel they could take the steps forward towards their own healing. I wanted to write a book that is practical in the field of healing after sexual trauma from the perspective of someone that has walked the path, and so in each chapter, there are suggestions that have helped me. There isn’t a manual that can outline ‘do this and you will be healed’, and this is because we are all unique and have unique needs. So, although it is to give an insight for what may help, my main intention is to encourage self-inquiry and seek out what will help you, because only you know that.
I feel passionate that we all have a right to a life after sexual abuse and to speaking our truth. I chose to speak publicly about my abuse in the hope it can give someone else (even just one person) the hope for their future – to be free from the shame and guilt that is often brought to us by this trauma. My online space is a place of non-judgement, it is a safe space – I hold space for where you are at. I’m not an expert in trauma but I am an expert in my own experience; you are in yours. My book will be an invitation into a safe space to explore where you want to be on your healing journey. Healing isn’t easy but it is possible and it is definitely worth the effort. You just need belief that you are worth the effort.
To those who haven’t experienced sexual trauma – we need your support. Support by sharing content so that it may reach those on your friends list/followers that have experienced abuse. We all know at least one person who has suffered this trauma – most the time this person has not disclosed it to anyone yet so this is why you could be helping someone and not even know it.
To those who have experienced sexual trauma – I see you. I feel you. Thank you for your kind words in my inbox. I applaud your courage for showing up every day and doing your best. You are doing better than you know. I encourage you to show up for yourself – choose you.
You have the power to heal and have a life free of anything this trauma wrongfully brought you.
We can’t change that the abuse happened, but we can choose to free ourselves from its power and heal.
I wrote this book for those that feel they can’t yet speak their truth.
I wrote this book to encourage you to be your fullest truest expression of you – because there is no one like you in this world.
You deserve so much more than life has given you so far. You can take back control of your life by choosing yourself, by choosing to heal.
Watch this space … my book is in the final design stages with an aim to publish in early autumn.
A little about me…
I am currently a midwife in the NHS and have launched my own coaching business since qualifying as an emotional wellbeing and NLP coach.
I love holding space for others to grow through vulnerability and become the best versions of themselves.
I am also a Reiki practitioner and use this as a tool to support my own healing but also to support coaching clients.
I am from Birmingham (yes, I’m a Brummie) but I live in beautiful West Sussex. I secretly love to dance and sing even though I’m not great at either but it brings me laughter and fun and that’s what life is about, no? Thanks again for being here – it really means the world to me and know that this ‘difficult’ space is needed for so many.